Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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