the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
