i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When did we convert life to cartoon?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
