hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
