Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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