I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
