He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
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You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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