I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
