How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
its not stalking. its research.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
