She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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