i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
