The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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