My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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