Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
