So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
