i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
