My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
