his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
