shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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