Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
