Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How's work?
Spinning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
