I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
