Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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