I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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