I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
