the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
