I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
