If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
