Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
