I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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