i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
