Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
