Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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