i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
