I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
