I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
