yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
