Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
