First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
