I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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