I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I party with great urgency now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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