so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need water and some morals
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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