OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my being single is dangerous.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO