Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage