brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out