Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar