i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name