Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
