why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
