I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
