I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
