I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just want nice things and good sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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