Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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