I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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