Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is Oprah even human
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
