We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
