we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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