we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
