I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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