Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
