It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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