I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
