It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
