I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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