i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
