Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It was confusing and full of hummus
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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