I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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