his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
