finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
