You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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