oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
