What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
