bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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