So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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