OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
