I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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