I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
