guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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